Help Colbert to #PrepareThem – A Cookbook

On the Colbert Report last week Stephen Colbert issued a challenge to his nation (and SuperPac) in the form of populating a Twitter hashtag #PrepareThem

“On the Colbert Report Stephen suggested this because when Republicans were accused of using personal attacks Romney said that it “prepares” us. So send personal attacks on the Republican candidates.”

I realized that #PrepareThem could also mean food.

Let’s compile and create

The GOP Recipes for Disaster Cookbook.

Romney S’mores

  • 1 brick of White Chocolate
  • 1 large wad of $100 bills.

Melt them together as he thinks he can really eat money.

Gingrich S’mores

  • 1 Small Chocolate Bar
  • 1 Marshmallow Brain
  • 1 large dose of inflated white privilege.

Eat this and you will definitely have to clean up the bathroom.

Soylent Romney

  • 1 large population of Poor People
  • 1 Smaller Middle Class

Collect and process the poor people into flavors like:

  • Solyent Blue (Democrats),
  • New Soylent Green (Environmentalists),
  • Soylent Grey (Old people without Social Security),
  • Soylent Teaberry (Ron Paul supporters),
  • Soylent Smart (Teacher, Cops, Firemen and any other union member)

Serve this to the Middle Class with a sense that YOU CAN ALWAYS DO BETTER than the people he is feeding to you.

Gingrich on a Spit
Prepare like any other pig on a Spit with the following changes.

  • 1 – Newt Gingrich for the pig
  • 1 – Large Pineapple – because apples don’t grow large enough to fit in his mouth.
  • (Optional) 1 – Large Cactus for the other end.

Romney on a Spit.
Doesn’t work – Mitt doesn’t know how to spit.

Incomplete Recipes

Gingrich Soup

  • 1 – Newt Gingrich
  • 1 – Ton of Lard (I realize this is repeating myself)

Romney Bisque
Turn Romney upside down
Cut him so the Champaign drains out first.

Rocky Road GOP

  • 1 – Mitt Romney
  • 1 – Newt Gingrich
  • 1 – Cold storage unit in South Philly.

Place both Mitt and Newt on separate meathooks.
Invite people from the street to come in and work on their jab, hooks and footwork all while listening to the Theme from Rocky blaring from a cheap boombox.
It should tenderize them quite nicely.

Warning: Dishes prepared here are not even suitable for Vultures. A poll of likely Vultures reveals that Vultures like dishes prepared using Ron Paul over either Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich by a count of 2:1.

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