The Hunt for the Blue Pantsuit Email Server

There is a new movie coming out. They are trying to get Sean Connery out of retirement to play a Russian Army Colonel along the lines of his role in The Hunt for Red October.

But this time he is running an operation to kidnap an email server’s disks.

At the start of the movie the American Secretary of State (played by Monica L.) is found to be using a commercial domain for her State Department emails. (It is given away by the .com instead of the .gov in the Secretary’s email address.)

The Russian Army Colonel realizes there is a server somewhere that can be stolen. If he can get the hard drives out of the machine he can find all the top secret American communications.

He needs the actual disks to recover the shadows of the deleted files.

Dustin Hoffman reprises a Rainman-like (they call him Gates) role as a computer guru who can find the physical location of the server.  Gates, using the internet, locates the server in the Secretary’s house in Chappaqua, New York. It is sitting next to the Stairmaster in the den.

The Russian Army Colonel sends in Chris Rock as a special ops agent. His job is to steal the disks with the help of James Franco.

When the Special OPS scope out the mansion, they realize it is only guarded by an attack toy poodle (played by Paul Ryan), a nerd (played by Zach Galifianakis) who administrates the server once a week and the Secretary’s husband (played by Bill Clinton) who has a thing for buxom brunettes.

So to get the email server the Special OPS enlist Cesar Milan to take care of the dog; Chris Rock gains access to the Russian Bikini Team (played by the Swedish Bikini Team) for the husband and Peyton Manning delivers a pizza to keep Galifianakis away from the server long enough to steal the disks.

Chris Rock makes it back to Moscow where the Russian Dictator (played by Jon Voight) has the entire disk system recovered, including the deleted emails. The files are given to his American nerd (played by Edward Norton playing Edward Snowden) and posted online.

Who says there is no transparency in government?